dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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