I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
