So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
