it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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