he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
