So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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