Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
