My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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