new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
