I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize