There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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