these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
