At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
