I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
