I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
