I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
