so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
