got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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