bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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