I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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