I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I need to calm my uterus...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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