I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
