The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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