yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
