I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
