evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize