Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
