Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He passed out mid-signature
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How does it feel to date your dad?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
