Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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