very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
