Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
