i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
