My liver just broke up with me...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
