Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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