Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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