he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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