She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
