im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
