Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
