He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
