I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
