# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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