We're facebook friends in real life
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
