Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize