I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
