i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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