Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
