you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
