he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
