SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
