I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
