i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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