Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
