you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
