brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
