Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
