I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
