Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
