i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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