Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
