His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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