and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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