did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize