Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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