This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
