How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I faked an abortion last night.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
