she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
