I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
